Big News! › Forums › GENERAL LDS FORUMS › LDS Humor › You know you’re a Utah Mormon if
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You know the difference between a ‘Steak House’ and a ‘Stake House’.
You have a bumper sticker that says “Families are Forever.”
You drink Coke from a brown paper bag.
You make a toast with red punch at a wedding reception.
You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries.
Green jello with carrots mixed in doesn’t seem strange.
Your idea of a good time is playing Pictionary in the cultural hall — after a wedding reception.
There is a similarity between a ward basketball game and the L.A. riots.
You think “You’re a 10 cow wife” is a compliment.
You’ve heard about BYU football in a testimony meeting.
If you think BYU’s holiday bowl victory over SMU in 1980 is proof of the true church.
If you still talk about the holiday bowl victory of 1980.
If you refuse to accept the fact that the two BYU players on either end of that “miracle pass” were Catholic.
Even though he was born and raised in Connecticut, you consider Steve Young a Utah native.
If you couldn’t raise your children in Utah, Connecticut would be your second choice.
If you’ve ever used the phrase “bless those who aren’t here this time that they can be here next time.”
If you’ve ever used the above phrase while offering a prayer at a state prison, youth detention facility or other place of confinement.
If you’ve ever used the words: fetch, flip, scrud, or oh-my-heck.
If you ever apologized for using such language.
If you believe Jell-O is one the basic food groups.
If you’ve ever mixed Jell-O with any kind of meat.
If you like Jell-O mixed with any kind of meat.
If you have your order in for volume 25 of “The Work and The Glory”.
If you use the dust jacket from “The Work and The Glory” so you can read romance novels in public.
If you’ve ever quoted “The Work and The Glory” in a talk or a lesson.
If you feel that “The Work and The Glory” would be better if it took place in Connecticut and the hero’s name was Steve.
If you were shocked to find out that the cast and crew of “Touched By An Angel” were not Mormon.
If you feel that “Touched By An Angel” would be better if it took place in Connecticut and the hero’s name was Steve.
If you can come up with at least 10 good excuses as to why Steve Young isn’t married.
If you believe any of those excuses.
If you’ve ever passed a rumor about a major celebrity appearing on a major talk show wearing a CTR ring and announcing that he has joined the Mormon church. (Steve Martin in 1996, Harrison Ford in 1993, Jack Klugman in 1988, Woody Allen in 1982)
If you’ve ever believed that rumor.
If you still believe that rumor.
If you’re planning to read this list during Family Home Evening.
If, while giving a presentation in a public place such as a board meeting, you have ever inadvertently ended with, “in the name of . . .”
If you’ve ever ended your presentation with those words deliberately.
If, during the NBA finals in 1997, you felt guilty when the TV announcer said that Larry Miller was not watching the game because of religious beliefs.
If you shut the TV off.
If you felt better when Larry Miller showed up after all.
If all your children are named after Old Testament Prophets.Even your daughter Zerubbabel.
If you ran out of Old Testament names before you ran out of children.
If your mother-in-law was pregnant at your wedding.
If at least one of your salad bowls is at your neighbor’s house.
You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times.
If you’re father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.
If, while teaching a lesson in Relief Society meeting, you’ve ever apologized for not preparing a center piece.
If, while teaching a lesson in Priesthood meeting, you’ve ever apologized for not preparing a lesson.
Know any more? Please post ’em!
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If your children’s mattresses are placed on top of your food storage.
If there’s a table cloth on top of your water storage and there’s a silk floral arrangement on top of that!
If there’s no less than 3 car seats/booster seats in your Suburban.
And no less than 3 C. worth or Cheerios and Fruit Loops in those seat cushions.
You are always on the look out for “quiet” Sacrement Meeting books or toys to “keep it fresh”.
If your kids know exactly what the “Warning Look” is in Sacrement Meeting.
If you have a party when your youngest is 18 mo. old and can go to the Nursery!
You stay and coddle your first and second nursery-goers…but by the time #4 is in the nursey, you shove them through the door and run!
You dont know which is worse: Your nursery-goer who screams and clings to your leg…or your nursery-goer who says “eh, you can go now…what’s your name again?”
You think your children are the ONLY rotton ones during Sacrement. :twisted:
You collect cute little goodies for your Visiting Teaching ladies each month.
You find this thread and it makes your day!!!!!!
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If you ask food to “nourish and strengthen our bodies” even when blessing cookies or doughnuts.
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You think “ignorant” means rude.
You know the meaning of the phrase “Jack Mormon”.
You home teach a Jack Mormon.
You have never set your alarm clock for 4:45am, because your Seminary class is just a parking lot away.
Your youngest child is the same age as your first grandchild.
You own a double stroller but don’t have twins.
You bought your copy of the Work and the Glory at your local Wal-mart.
You did a personal progress value project on Stephanie Meyers.
You considered throwing out your Twilight books when you found out Deseret Book took them off their shelves.
You think the 24th of July is a national holiday.
Someone says “funeral” and you think “potatoes”.
You have ever walked to Church.
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