Big News! › Forums › AUXILLIARY › Relief Society / Priesthood › Hating Relief Society
Tagged: leadership helps, Relief Society
This topic contains 20 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by 
-
AuthorPosts
-
Here’s this month’s featured question:
“Some women feel they don’t fit in at Relief Society. How can I help?”
What makes you feel good about attending Relief Society?
How have you overcome feelings of not “fitting in” at RS?
-
This is beautiful and brought a tear to my eye, Single Sister. Thanks for sharing your story.
-
More comments from our facebook friends:
Jodie J says:
Sit by someone who is alone, get to know them. Stop thinking about “me.”
Tracy P-A says:
I remember the reason I am there, and that gives me comfort
-
I feel out of place pretty often, especially as I am unwillfully childless 13 years on.
I get closed in and sad and angry and any other emotion that is not really useful when I am at any meeting that places a lot of time on the value of motherhood, or what to do for family home evening, or how to be a better mom grandma whatever.
None of these subjects apply to me.
And so I feel like a fish out of water and I just. need. to. get. out.So I know what it’s like.
It’s not nice, but there are days that are worth it. The lesson speaks to me. The prayer is somehow what exactly I wanted to hear. The woman next to me cracks a joke when some ignorant comment is made (ie: No woman can get into the C.K. without motherhood, no woman has real value until motherhood, there is no joy above being a parent, polygamy is justified because every husband deserves to have a son… ect.)
I understand the sadness of those days.
Every woman has felt the same thing, don’t despair. We all have our shadows on Sunday. -
Smoking?
Someone walked past me in Sacrament meeting and left a wake of that distinctive smoker smell. I watched as others caught their personal whiffs and noticed their reactions. The single mother sat alone with her small child and I could feel the eyes on her. Mine included.
Then I saw a one of my favorite sisters get up and sit behind her and spoke and chuckled with her and loved all over her.
It inspired me. I later spoke with the sister myself and found her delightful.
I spoke with my favorite sister later that day and she said. “the sweetest smell is the smell of smoke at church” She said that is the sign of someone trying. Trying hard. Then she said….”my kinda people”.
I cried.
-
I, too, have at times felt like I didn’t belong in Relief Society, but like the other comments before, which are wonderful, I might add, You need to forget yourself and go to work. We don’t go to Relief Society to fit in or find our best friend, we go to Relief Society to see how we can serve our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Pray that you will be able serve Him with all your might, mind and strength and that you will have the Courage to Try, Try, Try, and you will find friends and much happiness along the way!
-
I try not to sit by my best friends in RS. I try to find someone that I only see on Sunday, or someone I don’t know. Often, our best friends are in our ward. When we are always seen with them at church, as well as during the week, it may seem clique-ish. If we seek out those we don’t have such an intimate relationship with on Sunday, we can enlarge our own circle of friends, as well. Who doesn’t want more friends, right?
-
The hardest lesson I had to learn in attending Relief Society: Stop comparing myself to other sisters. Once I almost left Church before Relief Society because I noticed my exposed toes were all chipped up with old polish and my feet needed a good sloughing. Truly, how ridiculous and prideful is that? When I attend with the intent of feeling the Spirit and looking for the message that is for me, I enjoy the meeting much more fully.
I try to pay attention when new sisters are introduced and often I’ll stop by their home with a ward list and some salsa.
Like other sisters, I attended Relief Society for 15 years while childless. It was hard and I thought once I was a mother I would ‘fit in’ more. Nope. My life is still diverse and different from many of the other sisters, and being a ‘mother’ isn’t the requisite for being a Sister in Relief Society. I realized that it’s about ‘womanhood’ and who we are and what we do in our journey here on earth.
BTW – Sometimes I sit alone because I just want some space around me after having been climbed on by kids during Sacrament!
-
I usually try and say hello to everyone when I come in to Relief Society because I have had times where no one talks to me and I also was lucky to have a great sister in the Ward welcome me when we first moved in. One thing I have tried lately is to make sure I sit next to someone who is alone or try to find a friend if I am not having the best day. Then I feel better when I leave church for the day. I know I have left church feeling like I talked too much during a lesson or activity, but I have been trying to not be so hard on myself.
-
we should stop focusing on our selves, and try to sit by someone new each sunday and try to get to know someone and make them feel welcome
-
I am a young woman who is not married and who has no children who dreads going to Relief Society! I always think about skipping out after Sunday School to avoid going because I feel so out of place from all the women who I think are so different than I am with their families and their husbands. A lot of their comments about their family life make me feel funny because I feel so out of their circle! The Bishopric extended me a calling in primary and I was so relieved! It feels wonderful not having to go to Relief Society and having to face the women of the ward! However, these women are my sisters and I know that I won’t be able to hide in primary forever! I need to pray to God to help me overcome my own feelings of inadequacy and perhaps extend myself a bit more. Most of the women are friendly enough and a lot of the older ones have sat by me.(When I was there). Sometimes we shouldn’t expect everything to be on the other person, as in saying hello..etec…..We need to work at things by being open and friendly and knowing the the Lord has a time and a place for all of his daughters to have a family and so on.
-
I have walked in those shoes. It didn’t matter to me whether I went to homemaking or not because I didn’t feel like I fit in. I would always sit alone, the relief society would speak to me but very few others. So I felt isolated. Then through a lesson, I think, I realized that I couldn’t control other’s, only myself, and that I could reach out to others which I did. That’s when things turned around. I cannot change other people but I can extend my hand of friendship. That’s what I found that works. When all else fails, excuse the pun, kill them with kindness…
-
I’ve had that feeling of not feeling right at home because I didn’t know anyone in my new ward. I had just moved into the area and actually had been inactive in church. I decided that I wanted to start attending church with my family (actually my 8yr old son decided!) and so we went that Sunday. My father who had been in the area contacted one of the members for us to let us know what time church had started and we had arrived early! I was sitting in Relief Society and other sisters started arriving and I was smiled upon, but that was all. I got looks from the sisters just wanting to say hi but no one approached me, not even the presidency, it just happened to be fast Sunday and after the announcements I just felt so invisible because they’re wasn’t even a welcome to the sisters new and old to relief society! After the lesson however there was a little testimony minute and no-one wanted to get up. Waiting in silence I felt the Holy Ghost urging me to get up, as scared as I was in front of all these strangers the spirit was pushing and pushing I had to get up, I thought my heart was going to pump out of my chest. I got up and bore my testimony and introduced myself and I balled my eyes out, I felt so much better, the RS president got up and apologized for not welcoming me and bore her testimony as well. I make it my duty to introduce myself to every new face I see, whether they know anyone or not. Its upto ourselves to make that first step to making a new or old sister feel welcome in Relief Society!!!
-
That is a fantastic story which brought a tear to my as I had the same weakness but its so true what your sister said (not that its a good thing to smell smoke when your at church) It is a sign of someone trying or they wouldn’t be there in the first place!!
-
Charity never failith. I was in RS off and on during times I had no calling that put me in other places or primary(awsome place to be). and I felt very out of place. But I found that when you are in the service of your fellow man you are in the service of you Father in Heaven stands to be very true. RS seems to always have a sign up sheet for some need that is going on and I would sigh up for most of them. I didn’t have to do anything but show up and let them tell me where they needed me most. COMMUNICATION was the key for me to know that I was needed and let me do what I do best and that is to activly help others with out feeling nobody cared if I was there or not. If it is still hard for you to be in RS, just pop over to the primary and ask what you can help with and you will be suprised how greatful they are to have a helping hand.
-
Chances are, there are several other women in Relief Society who feel exactly that same way. Start with one person a week. Get to know someone else that may be feeling the same way, and then the two of you can challenge each other each week to meet one new person or to get to know someone who has been there for a while. A lot of times our own inhibitions get in the way of others approaching us, because we come off unapproachable. We all need to get over ourselves, and know that not one person in that room is better than us, nor are we better than them. 2 things that might help also. Remember what they think of you has nothing to do with your salvation, but what you think of them has everything to do with your own salvation. Also, we all tend to compare ourselves with other people’s best qualities against our weakest qualities. That is not being fair to yourself or others. Quit comparing yourself to anyone else and only worry about what your Heavenly Father thinks. He is the only one that really matters when it comes to being good enough.
-
Hi! I am a relatively new convert (8 months this July 21!!!) and a CTR teacher. I love my calling but I missed a lot going to the RS meetings that I used to go before my calling. Anyway I do my best to attend to all activities that are scheduled on week days if they are not on working hours.
Do someone know why primary teachers should not attend RS and must stay all the time with the children – before and after the class? Is that a formal primary guideline at the Church?
For me sometimes is confusing, I live in Southamerica and talking to a friend in USA that is also a member (long time member) sometimes I find that things are done differently maybe because Church is new in the town where I live.
I would appreciate if someone could help me to know about the RS attendance for primary teachers.
-
Primary teachers stay with their children during both hours of Primary so they can watch the children during Sharing Time. This is church-wide. Many small children need their teachers to help them learn to be reverent during Sharing and Music Time, and so their teachers are asked to stay with them instead of leaving to attend a different class.
If you’re being asked to stay after the closing prayer (when the parents are supposed to pick up the children), that’s likely a local requirement, probably for the children’s safety. If you’re being kept after class for a long time waiting for children’s parents, you may want to speak with the Primary President and express your concern.
I missed Relief Society when I was in Primary, too. The good thing about the Church is that you probably won’t stay in Primary forever. But don’t worry, you will be able to participate in Relief Society while you serve in the Primary. You still have the opportunity to attend your Relief Society meetings held at least quarterly, and you will still serve as a visiting teacher even when you serve in Primary or Young Women.
-
This is a common feeling for younger women in the church. I, too, felt that Relief Society was for the old/married/7 kids types. However, the purpose of Relief Society is to strengthen testimony, not share parenting tips. Most women who talk about their children do not do so to make others uncomfortable or brag/bash on their kids, but most share experiences with their children as they apply to the lesson content. The lessons are focused on spirituality and gaining testimony. Just as you share comments about yourself or family or friends, those with children will share experiences about themselves their family and their friends. Don’t focus on the part of anothers’ story that’s different from your experiences; focus instead on the parts you can relate to. Seek your common ground.
I will say that sometimes RS lessons can become *very* families-with-children focused, almost to the exclusion of other comments. This happens a lot in lessons on families. (Experienced this just this past Fast Sunday.) When I see this happening, I watch our young sisters to see if they are being bothered by the family-ness of the topic. If so, I start praying for a way to include our single sisters in our comments. Usually I can find a way to relate the lesson to singledom and do so. That’s usually enough to remind the teacher that not everyone in the room is in the same stage of life, and others in the room pick up on the slight shift of emphasis, and they will share their insights, too.
I think the best thing that singles can do is share their perspective frequently. Remember, no one was born married with 7 kids. Every woman in Relief Society has been single — some of them more than once. Being single is one of life’s situations *all* women can relate to. Too often our singles remain silent when their insights are valuable and can help us understand each other better. That’s what commenting in RS is about.
-
Many thanks Jenny! I am so happy for finding your webpage, a place to share and learn too!
-
When I was single and 25, I thought I was the only one who didn’t fit into Relief Society. I was sure I would be fine once I ‘belonged’ among the married sisters. Then I was married and childless for a few years…and thought I would fit in better if I could just have children. Then I was an older first-time mom; later I could have dwelt on being one of the few with several small children at once…but I finally realized every sister has some situation in her life which she can focus on as ‘the reason’ she is different than everyone else. The fact is, we ARE different than each other — and that’s a blessing! If we can just realize every sister sitting there can feel estranged if she focuses on the differences as negatives. If each sister can say, then we can see the thread of opportunity hidden in the unique fabrics of our lives…and Relief Society is a joy.
-
AuthorPosts
