Blog Wisdom

[Jenny SmithParticipant]

This post is more for me than anyone else, but occassionally I read stuff on blogs that makes me think or chortle:

Here’s one I read today on how Mormons are sometimes treated differently by others:

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It’s really not fair that we should get the companionship of a living God, and full acceptance by human groups too. I mean, what more can we want? Of course they think we’re nuts, bless their sweet hearts! When you hang around with deities, the neighbors are simply going to look askance at you. TimesAndSeasons

[Jenny SmithParticipant]

I usually don’t like the FMH — I can only take ‘so’ much whining in one read. But this list of the characteristics a perfect Mormon lady should have is a personal favorite:

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**The Ultimate Mormon lady should have *** 3-8 kids because 2 is too statistically wordly and 9 too suspicously fundementalist. FeministMormonHousewives

[Jenny SmithParticipant]

How many times have I not comforted, or attempted to comfort, the greiving:

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I’m very sorry that your ward let you down. I learned the hurt that this can cause when her ward isolated someone in my family after her husband left her. I confess that I also have avoided people I should have comforted.

The help I received through a critical period caused me to ponder why I and other people would step away from someone close in time of need. I came to an explanation, but not to an excuse: we feel inadequate to help someone either whose loss we haven�t experienced or whom we believe is above us in ability to comfort.

As some of the earlier comments in this thread show, many people don�t know how to comfort without having experienced similar loss. They don�t know how to remove your pain. Some of these worry about saying too much or too little, something that will be too serious or too light-minded. Not being expert, they decide to withdraw so they won’t add pain by misspeaking or misacting.

Other people believe that their ability to comfort falls short of your need. You said that they acted as though you were their best friend when you were the bishop. You probably, guided by the Spirit and wearing the mantle of your calling, gave counsel and comfort that they consider far better than they could return to you. Believing that if you performed for them at a high level then you would need comfort delivered at that level, they would feel unable to give what you need.

As you experienced and I learned late, it’s not the quality of performance but the heart in the action that matters. Unfortunately, it is pride — manifested in desire to be seen as performing well enough and unwilling to admit self-determined inadequacy — that stops us from offering, I haven’t had this loss and I don’t know how to tell you very well, but I love you and I’m heartsick for your pain. I pray for you every day. I want to do what I can to help you carry this burden. Please help me know how to help you. You are not alone here. I am with you.

Your description of the smoky young man indicates that he had found his own way past pride in appearing perfect. This may be what freed him to offer caringly his widow’s mite that touched you.

Echoing your observation of harlots and sinners entering heaven before Scribes and Pharisees, I believe that it really is loving our neighbor and not the perfection of our performance in callings and service that opens heaven’s door. From Times and Seasons

Good gosh — is it my pride keeping me from helping others? Fear of appearing like a moron = pride? Ouch.

From another commenter on the same post who lost a child:

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“What are the landmines with talking to somebody that you do not know about the death of a child?â€

[Jenny SmithParticipant]

From a FMH thread on dealing with the sometimes faith and testimony trying events and interpretations of Church History.

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The Gospel is bigger than rumor and stronger than suspicion and will go on no matter what.

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As President Harold B. Lee said, the true church is intended not only to comfort the afflicted, but to afflict the comfortable.

And from another linked source: I don’t have a testimony of the History of the Church by Davis Bitton:

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I never had a testimony of Church history. My testimony is in the gospel of Jesus Christ. … The truth of the gospel and the divinity of Joseph Smith’s calling as prophet of the restoration do not depend on his behavior as a human being and do not require perfection in his life.

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