LDS Burial Help

by Jenny Smith

This has been a difficult topic to research, but since there is so little information about this online, and since funerals are often planned in just a few days, I thought it might be helpful to post some information to those who are looking for information about how to prepare the body of a deceased LDS church member for burial.

If you have further ideas that may make this difficult process easier for someone, please email your suggestions to me.

Procedures During LDS Funerals

• From Policies and Programs July 1979 Ensign:

  "Pertaining to the conduct of funerals, we bring the following to your attention:

  "A custom has developed which often eliminates music from both the beginning and the end of these services, placing it only near the middle of the program. It is requested that henceforth all funerals conducted under the auspices of officials of the Church follow the general format of the sacrament meeting with respect to music, speaking, and prayers. Music should be used at the beginning of the service prior to the opening prayer and possibly after the invocation also, as in our Sunday meetings. The closing portion of the funeral likewise should follow our customary pattern of having a final musical number immediately before the concluding prayer. Where feasible a choir could very well be used on the musical program.

  "With respect to speaking, it should be kept in mind that funeral services provide an excellent opportunity for teaching the basic doctrines of the Church in a positive manner.

  "It is not necessary for the bishop to lead the procession down the aisle of the chapel as the casket is brought into the building.

  "Following these suggestions will help to keep our services in line with our established pattern and will avoid practices now so commonly followed elsewhere." -PB

• Here is a November 1988 Ensign article by Elder Packer titled "Funerals: A Time for Reverence" that may help with planning an LDS funeral. Here are some of the main points:
  • "One of the most solemn and sacred meetings of the Church is the funeral for a departed member. It is a time of caring and support when families gather in a spirit of tender regard for one another. It is a time to soberly contemplate doctrines of the gospel and the purposes for the ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ."
  • "A comforting, spiritual funeral is of great importance. It helps console the bereaved and establishes a transition from mourning to the reality that we must move forward with life."
  • "Funerals held under the direction of the priesthood are Church meetings... Bishops always show tender regard for the family of the deceased, and insofar as their requests accord with established policy, they may willingly be met.... We should regard the bishop rather than the family or the mortician as the presiding authority in these matters.... When innovations are suggested by family members, morticians, or others, which are quite out of harmony with that agenda, the bishop should quietly persuade them to follow the established pattern. It is not a rigid pattern and allows sufficient flexibility to have each funeral personally appropriate for the deceased."
  • "Family members ordinarily give the family prayer and dedicate the grave."
  • "If family members do speak, and I repeat, it is not a requirement, they are under the same obligation to speak with reverence and to teach the principles of the gospel."
  • "Viewings are not mandatory."
  • It is not required for family and friends to file by an open casket after a funeral.
  • Graveside services may be held instead of a funeral. When a funeral service is planned, elaborate graveside services -- with songs, etc. -- should be avoided. (inferred from the text by me.)
  • "We are close, very close, to the spirit world at the time of death. There are tender feelings, spiritual communications really, which may easily be lost if there is not a spirit of reverence."

  Family Prayer

  • Family members of a deceased LDS person are often invited to attend a special prayer service before the funeral. The prayer is usually given by a family member. After the prayer, family members may pay thier last respects, final adjustments are made to the body or clothing, and the coffin is closed. (Coffins are not usually left open during LDS funeral services.)
  • During family prayers, a feeling of reverence should prevail. Visiting and renewal of friendships should be done outside, so as not to disturb those grieving.

  LDS Funeral Talks

  • The November 1988 Ensign article by Elder Packer titled "Funerals: A Time for Reverence" that may has some information regarding how speakers should present their messages at LDS funerals:

    "A comforting, spiritual funeral is of great importance. It helps console the bereaved and establishes a transition from mourning to the reality that we must move forward with life. Whether death is expected or a sudden shock, an inspirational funeral where the doctrines of resurrection, the mediation of Christ, and certainty of life after death are taught strengthens those who must now move on with life.

    "Many attend funerals who do not come to church regularly. They come subdued in spirit and are teachable. How sad when an opportunity for conversion is lost because a funeral is less than it might have been....

    "There now seems to be the expectation that members of the immediate family must speak at funerals. While that may not be out of order, it should not be regarded as required. Family members ordinarily give the family prayer and dedicate the grave....

    "If family members do speak, and I repeat, it is not a requirement, they are under the same obligation to speak with reverence and to teach the principles of the gospel.

    "Sometimes family members tell things that would be appropriate at a family reunion or at some other family gathering but not on an occasion that should be sacred and solemn. While quiet humor is not out of order in a funeral, it should be wisely introduced. It should be ever kept in mind that the funeral should be characterized by spirituality and reverence...."

    "We are close, very close, to the spirit world at the time of death. There are tender feelings, spiritual communications really, which may easily be lost if there is not a spirit of reverence."

  • "[Funerals] are proper occassions on which:
    • "to preach the truths of salvation;
    • "to testify of the reality of the resurrection;
    • "to give comfort, solace, and counsel to the bereaved;
    • "to hold forth the assurance of immortality for all men and the hope of eternal life for those who have kept the faith and
    • "to mention the good qualities and achievements of the departed.

    "The practice of wiping out every fault and magnifying every seeming virture of faithless persons, as soon as they are dead, however, leaves the false impression that acceptance of the gospel and complete obedience to its standards while in this life are not important. Extravagant statements, promises, or assurances -- unless clearly dictated by the Spirit -- should not be made at funerals." (Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine 2nd Edition, "Funerals")

  • Short Funeral Talk - given by an LDS Bishop to a congregation of mostly non-LDS people at another Christian church.
  • Description of a talk given by Elder Packer to the single surviving member of a family in a car accident

  Graveside Services / Dedication of the Grave

  • At the grave site, a male LDS church member, one who holds the Melchizedek Priesthood and who is usually a member or close friend of the family, dedicates the grave, asking God in prayer to protect it from the elements or other disturbance as a hallowed resting place until the resurrection.

On Suicide

• Suicide of LDS Church members was addressed in the October 1987 Ensign article by Elder M. Russell Ballard titled Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not". In it, he addresses the issue of whether those who commit suicide are automatically consigned to the Telestial Kingdom. Elder Ballard quotes Mormon Doctrine:
  
  "Suicide consists in the voluntary and intentional taking of one's own life, particularly where the person involved is accountable and has a sound mind. Persons subject to great stresses may lose control of themselves and become mentally clouded to the point that they are no longer accountable for their acts. Such are not to be condemned for taking their own lives. It should also be remembered that judgment is the Lord's; he knows the thoughts, intents, and abilities of men; and he in his infinite wisdom will make all things right in due course."

  He goes on to quote Doctrine & Covenants 137:59: "And after they have paid the penalty of their transgressions, and are washed clean, shall receive a reward according to their works, for they are heirs of salvation."

Family Meal / Funeral Luncheon Planning

• LDS Funeral and Family Meal Planning - has a sample menu, information for servers, and an exhaustive checklist for planning a funeral. Targeted at Relief Society Presidents.

Obituaries

• Here are some examples of LDS obituaries for a man and wife.
• Another examples of an LDS obituary of an elderly LDS woman.
• Here is an example of a short article announcing the death of an LDS man prominent in his community.

Funeral Program

• LDS Funeral Program example - deceased married adult male (follows the same basic format as an LDS Sacrament Meeting)
• Magleby Funeral Home's Funeral Program Samples - has several funeral program samples online so you can get ideas on layouts to use.
• In addition to information about speakers and presiding church leaders, you may wish to include:
  • a brief synposis or timeline of the deceased person's life,
  • a list of surviving relatives,
  • pallbearer's names,
  • a photo or photos,
  • a comforting poem (could be written by a family member),
  • lyrics to songs sung during the funeral,
  • instructions or a map to the burial location or the location of a family meal,
  • expressions of gratitude to those helping (ushers, servers, RS sisters that made a meal, home teachers that administered to the deceased or mourners, friends, community members, etc.)
  • military service recognition
  • if asking for donations in lieu of flowers, you could include the donation address and other information

Burial Clothing Basics

Endowed female members of the church are buried wearing white, long-sleeved dresses that reach the ankles, or blouses and skirts that reach the ankles, white shoes, and the temple clothing found in their temple packet.

Endowed men are buried in a long-sleeved white shirt, white tie, and white pants, white shoes, and the temple clothing found in their temple packet. A white suit coat is optional.

Church leaders have access to a publication called Instructions for Clothing the Dead Who Have Received Their Endowments that has additional instructions on how to prepare endowed individuals for burial.

Usually, white clothing is chosen for those who have not yet attended the temple, too.

Things to keep in mind

Here are some thing that I learned about preparing for a funeral or burial when talking to some of the sisters in my unit and from looking online:

Preparing the Body

• Dressing a body for burial can be difficult because of weight considerations or stiffness. Remember to choose clothing that is easy to put on the body and easy for the funeral director to access as needed.
• A heat lamp may be used to ease stiffness of the limbs.
• For women, it may be easier to use a dress with an open back. You can buy a white dress and cut up the back, then sew fasteners to close it. I'd sew ribbons about an inch or two inside the cut on the outside of the dress, so that when you tied the ribbons, you would be able to easily cinch the dress completely shut in back.
• For men, it may be easier to choose pants that are of slightly larger size than usual.
• Endowed LDS Church members usually choose split-opening types of coffins, I presume to keep from exposing so much of sacred temple clothing.
• It may be helpful to bring the woman's makeup to the funeral home along with a color photo so that the staff can use the same makeup colors and hair color the woman used when she was alive. Having the body look more natural may help family members and friends be more at peace when viewing the body.
• The use of soft pink light bulbs in a lamp near the corpse or in the room where the viewing will take place will make skin tones appear more natural. Sylvania Soft Pink and GE Enrich are two brands available in most department stores.
• Those dressing a body may be exposed to blood or other body fluids. Please take great care when preparing a body for burial.
• Comforting the Greiving - has a list of things NOT TO SAY and THINGS TO SAY to those grieving. Also has some interesting information on how active listening helps those greiving relieve their suffering.
• "Questions and Answers," Ensign, Jun 2005, 12–15 - This article also has a list of very practical suggestions on how to appropriately help those who are greiving, and includes a breif section on suicide.

Burial or Cremation

• "Except where burial is prohibited by law, we are counseled to bury our dead. There are important symbolic references to burial in the ordinance of baptism and elsewhere in the doctrines of the Church. Where required by law, alternate methods of disposing of the remains do not nullify the Resurrection." (Boyd K. Packer, "Funerals—A Time for Reverence," Ensign, Nov. 1988, see also Bruce R. McConkie Mormon Doctrine, "Cremation")

Sources for Burial Clothing

There are several sources for white and burial clothing. Many of these can ship faster than church distribution. I've noted shipping information below.

In some cases, individuals may wish to make their own burial clothing as part of the greiving process. I've included links to some pattern resources as well.

Infants and Preemies

• White Elegance: White Preemie and Infant Clothing - has a selection of boys and girls white preemie and infant clothing. These sets often include matching bonnets or hats, blankets, or bids. 3-day, 2-day, or Overnight shipping is available with no delivery on Saturday, Sunday, or holidays.
• Bev's Country Cottage: Preemie Patterns - has a large list of free patterns for burial wraps, gowns, and rompers available online.
• Bev's Country Cottage: Tiny Burial Pouch Patterns - used for early losses, miscarriages, or infants that are too small or fragile to be dressed.
• Baby Devine - offers boys and girls burial gowns in a variety of sizes, even extremely small preemie sizes. Brinda lost an infant child at 5 months of age and has named one pattern after the child she lost, Jordan. Everything in the store ships free by Priority Mail and preemie burial outfits are shipped within 72 hours of receiving the order. Overnight shipping is available for an $18.00 fee. Wholesale orders are typically shipped within 2 to 3 weeks.

Children's White Clothing

• White Elegance - has a selection of boys and girls white clothing. 3-day, 2-day, or Overnight shipping is available with no delivery on Saturday, Sunday, or holidays.

Adult White Clothing

• Church distribution has a burial dress (Item 4485203, $35.35 USD, pictured at right). The dress has a round neck, lacy v-shape on the bodice, an open back, and lots of extra lace on the sleeves (the lace helps cover any bruising or discoloration due to IVs or other injuries, the open back is for ease in dressing -- I assume it comes with fasteners to close it). When planning for a burial, remember that shipping on items from LDS Distribution can take up to three weeks. You may consider calling a friend who lives near an LDS Distribution Center, or you may make a dress, or order and alter a dress from one of the other sources below.
• White Elegance - has a large selection of men's and women's white clothing and shoes. 3-day, 2-day, or Overnight shipping is available with no delivery on Saturday, Sunday, or holidays.
• LDS Specialties - has a big selection of white temple dresses and shoes. They also offer white pants and shoes for men. Dresses may take up to 5 days to ship.

Other Funeral Planning Help

• The Federal Trade Commission has a very good funeral resource that has information on how to save money on a funeral and which services are required by law. For example, grave liners or burial vaults are not required by law, but could be required by your cemetary. Even embalming is not necessary if a body will be buried soon after death.
• AARP has a lot of information on funerals and planning, including a checklist of things to do from immediately after death occurs up to several months after the funeral. Also has information on dealing with grief and loss.
• The Funeral Comsumers Alliance has a very good FAQ that answers questions like "Can I build my own coffin?" and "Should children attend funerals?"
• Comforting the Greiving - has a list of things NOT TO SAY and THINGS TO SAY to those grieving. Also has some interesting information on how active listening helps those greiving relieve their suffering.