I’m flattered, I think

I woke up today not wanting to go to Church. I’m tired from not sleeping well and cranky from being more than a little PMS’d. The kids are making me crazy and Jared and I are fighting. I just plain didn’t want to go and have to deal with other people, ya know?

I’m probably the only person who ever feels that way. *sigh*

I got up and got the kids and myself to Church anyway. The topic was food storage. I have to say, I just don’t find those talks inspirational — pretty much ever. The stake knows that we live in a highly transient area with all the CIA, FBI, Marine, Army, Navy, and Air Force concentrated here. There is no way those folks can store a years supply of food when they are moving every 3 years. Instead they always lecture us about how few people have their food storage and how important it is if someone loses a job (pretty much a non-issue for government types). Why can’t they encourage our members to do the 3 month pantry thing, and then eat up their food the months before they’re about to leave? There must be something they can suggest that will allow our good, stalwart members to be obedient without beating them over the head with something that is impossible for them to do…

I did remember I need to get a hand pump for our well tho. Will research that tomorrow.

Talked with my friend Sue about our upcoming cruise (September). Thank heaven that is coming up soon! We all need a break! Ran into the Bishop in the hallway and talked to him a few minutes about a ward problem I needed to report to him directly about. He told me our ward boundaries are changing — soon. >:-( Only a few of us will be affected. I’m heartbroken. I love, love, love, love this ward and our friends here. I just don’t want to even think about starting over. I guess I had just assumed this was a mature enough area we’d never have to change wards again. Our new building will be a long ways away, too, which is really going to get hairy when my kids get Seminary age. My friends called to talk to me about it for a couple of hours after Church on Sunday. I have to say after looking at the school boundaries I feel less sad about it, but we are going to lose that military/gov’t influence that makes our current ward so strong. I am sad to hear it.

After I talked to Bishop, Brent (my ward boss) asked me to talk to him after church. I’m being released from my old gig, even though I probably won’t have the job for long with the new changes. I’ll do whatever they need, of course. I am just still sad about the pending boundary changes.

And I don’t know what happened in Bishopric meeting today, but both counselors pulled me aside to tell me I would be embarrassed about how I was being talked about. They were bragging on the websites, apparently. Maybe I should go back to dropping the JennySmith.net. I don’t really want *that* kind of notoriety. I’d just like to remain anonymous at home. I don’t care if people know me elsewhere, if that makes sense. In Utah it was pretty bad: “You’re THE Jenny Smith?” That always makes me uncomfortable, because what if I apostatize or have said something rude or un-Christlike to them in the past? I don’t want to shake anyone’s faith because of my imperfections.

We had the lady I visit teach over for dinner and then to the “Why I Believe Fireside”. One of our friends there stopped me to tell me how she had been bragging on me for helping her during her recent surgery and hospitalization.

I’m flattered, I guess.

I think everyone wants fame in some way. I do. But I don’t think I want to be known publicly for the service I do. I’d rather be the loyal sidekick that keeps the wheels spinning. I don’t feel the need to be recognized for doing my duty. It’s actually a little embarrassing to me.

But at the same time, it’s nice to have someone talk nice about you. It’s confusing tho, when you realize how imperfect you are — wanting to skip church ….. fighting with the hubby ….. and worse this week. There’s a new lady that has moved into the ward who seems really cool, but every time she sees me she says “You’re Jenny Smith! I used your website in Utah!” It makes me kind of back off and not be as friendly as I usually am…. I wish I weren’t such a goof ball.

I wouldn’t mind if someone told me how fantastic my new RS charm design is (It does rock.) or how fantastic the house looks (not finished yet). I want some notoriety for those things, thankyouverymuch. Maybe that shows how shallow I am: seeking notoriety for the “worldly” stuff.

I’m bummed today. Maybe I’ll take up drinking.

But only root beer.

Full-blooded Coke only on Saturday nights so I’ll only be a sinner for a few hours. :)